Facebook Stalking Fail
by SageK
Summary: Season 4 slightly AU (Brittany and Sam were never together or they already broke up). Kurt is home checking facebook when he stumbles upon a video Artie posted recorded during a new ND party. The video is about drunk games and drunk songs, but in the background there are Blaine and Sam making out, hot and heavy. Happy Birthday Laura!


"Why are we watching a video of a drunken high school party?" Brody asked of the trio gathered around Kurt's laptop.

"Gotta get my Britt fix," Santana said, which, okay, that was reasonable.

Rachel held up a small notebook. "Kurt and I are keeping a list of notes, critiques and helpful hints to give the new team the next time we're back in Lima."

Brody blinked at his girlfriend. "Why are you critiquing a party?"

"It's a Glee club party," Kurt pointed out dryly. "There will be performances."

Shrugging, Brody joined them. They could be weird, but always provided plenty of drama, which he liked.

On screen, a bespeckled boy was talking. "Yo-yo-yo, this is your boy Artie coming to you live from Sugar's Bye-Bye January Freight Train of Fun Houseparty! This is lit, y'all!"

The camera panned around the party room, showing flashing lights, laughing people and dancing to music.

"There's Britt!" Santana said, pointing at a girl who was dancing on a table in a pair of jeans, a bra and what looked like a cowboy hat.

"Kitty, want to give us a bit of a party recap?" Artie asked, zooming in on a pretty blonde girl, who rolled her eyes.

The girl let out a huff. "What do you want to hear about that you don't already know?"

"Not me," Artie clarified. "Our Viewers!"

"Well," Kitty began, "The evening started out with Jake and Ryder attempting to get the fire pit out back started up. They managed to set part of the lawn on fire. Sam put it out, then we came inside to play Twister. That was a terrible idea because Tina used it as an excuse to grope Blaine."

"Hey!" Tina yelped, swaying into frame. "Not my fault the spinner said right hand red and Blaine's wearing red pants…."

"Mmmhmmm," Unique said and Brody could hear her judgment through the computer. "Sure, honey."

"Tina's habit of getting too friendly with the tight panted wonder boy led us to enforcing new Spin the Bottle rules," Kitty continued. "Mainly: Tina doesn not get to kiss Blaine as it would only exacerbate her creepy creepy crush and make us all super uncomfortable."

Around her, several heads nodded and Tina scowled.

"Isn't Blaine your ex?" Brody asked Kurt, who nodded.

Of course Brody knew who Kurt's ex was. Rachel and Kurt talked about their past break ups a lot.

"He is and he's completely not into girls...don't start, Rachel. He was drunk that time you two kissed."

As Tina started arguing with Kitty and Unique, Artie's camera panned around the room, stopping on a boy trying to teach another tipsy boy and a girl how to do some dance steps. It was cute, like watching drunk puppies staggering around.

"Holy shit, I knew it!" Santana suddenly hooted, jabbing a finger at the corner of the screen, beyond a dancer's flailing arm.

A blonde guy was sitting on a couch, a smaller, dark haired boy in his lap. The two of them were kissing enthusiastically, hands grasping and touching, disappearing under shirts and into hair.

"What the hell?" Kurt squawked, sitting up and glaring at the screen.

Tipping her head to the side, Rachel asked, "When did Blaine and Sam start dating?"

"They aren't," Kurt snapped. "Obviously Sam is drunk and they will regret this when they're sober." He pulled out his phone and began texting rapidly.

Brody raised a brow. "I don't know, they really seem to be enjoying themselves."

"Artie!"

Brittany was off of the table and bouncing over to point over to the the oblivious duo, who didn't even notice when a small girl began throwing valentine's themed confetti on them. "They finally figured out that they're dating!"

"Thank you God," Artie said with a chuckle. "Though now the love sick puppy eyes will just turn int besotted heart eyes."

In the background, they could hear Tina yelping about how life was unfair.

"They're not dating! They can't. Sam's straight. He likes girls," Kurt said, then muttered, "Answer your phone!"

"Maybe he's bi or pan or something," Brody offered, which earned him a sneer.

A finger jabbed in his face. "Guys aren't bi! They're just afraid to come out," Kurt declares, "Sam had plenty of chances to come out before and he didn't. He's straight!"

"Keep telling yourself that," Santana said with a snicker. "This video was filmed a couple of days ago. Britt says that they are definitely a couple."

"I don't believe you're buying into her fantasy nonsense," Kurt grumbled. "Everyone knows Blaine is waiting for me to take him back."

Brody raised a brow. "Are you planning to get back with him?"

"No!" Kurt snapped. "That's not the point!"

Santana held up her phone. "They made it Facebook official the day after the party."

That was when Kurt stalked off, his phone pressed to his ear as he left a message on someone's machine.

Rachel was still watching the video, a cute brunette now singing Party in the USA. She was making notes and muttering about the girl being pitchy.

In Brody's opinion, she sounded really good.

Tapping at her own phone, Santana chuckled, "I knew Trouty was going to return from Narnia for the hobbit dreamboat."

From behind the curtain that separated Kurt's bed from the rest of the loft, Kurt's voice could be clearly heard. "Finn! What is this foolishness about Blaine and Sam!?"

Yup, these guys were always good for the drama.


End file.
